Join the email community that supports people with the practices that help you thrive while navigating a full life & plate full of to-do’s without compromising your well-being or your success. I combine two decades of experience as a leader, small business owner, coach and self-mastery expert to teach others how to balance success models that fit YOUR energy, values and vision.
When the problem isn't where you think it is
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There’s something I’ve noticed over and over again when I work with people. Especially people who lead businesses, teams, or organizations. They come to me with a problem they believe needs to be solved. And usually, they’re right about the problem. But sometimes they’re wrong about where the solution lives. Recently, I was talking with a business owner who was struggling to hold their team accountable. They already knew what needed to happen. They knew the conversations that needed to be had. They knew the action they needed to take. But they kept getting stuck. Their explanation made perfect sense: “We’re really close. We’re a family. I don’t want to create tension.” So on the surface, this looked like a leadership problem. Maybe they needed better accountability systems. Maybe they needed a better process. Maybe they needed to become a stronger leader. But as we kept talking, I started asking a different set of questions. Why is accountability so difficult when the people involved are people you genuinely love and trust? Annnd if this person can navigate difficult conversations in other close relationships, what makes this particular relationship feel so risky? That’s where we found something interesting. Their place of business had become their personal safe space. And their fear was that holding their team accountable could create tension which would ruin the peaceful space they had carved out just for themself. Which meant the thing they were protecting wasn’t actually their staff’s feelings. They were protecting their own sense of safety. In reality this wasn’t just a business problem. The solution wasn’t hiding in another accountability system or a better management strategy. It was connected to something happening in their personal life. This is something I see often:
We experience a problem in one area of our lives and immediately start looking for a solution in that same area.
Business problem → business strategy.
Relationship problem → relationship strategy.
Money problem → money strategy.
Career problem → career strategy.
And sometimes that’s exactly where the solution is.
But sometimes the thing you’re trying to change is being held in place by something happening somewhere else.
Your personal life shows up in your professional life. Your professional life goes home with you. The way you handle conflict in one relationship can show up in another. The way you protect yourself in one area can quietly shape the decisions you make somewhere completely different. And this is why I don’t believe every problem needs a better plan. Sometimes it needs a better question. Instead of: “How do I fix this?” Try: “What else might be going on here?” Or: “What am I protecting?” Or even: “If I solved this problem exactly the way I think I should, what would change for me?” That last question can be surprisingly revealing. Plans provide action steps whereas questions provide awareness This week's Practice for YouThink about one thing in your life that you’ve been trying to solve. Don’t solve it with a plan. Just ask yourself this question: What if the thing I’m trying to change is not actually the thing that’s keeping me stuck? Then get curious. What would happen if it changed? What would you have to feel? What might you lose? What might become uncomfortable? What are you protecting by keeping things the way they are? You may not get an answer immediately. That’s okay. The point isn’t to force one. The point is to notice what you couldn’t see while you were busy trying to fix the problem. I think that’s where real peace & harmony begins to take shape in your life. If you need help noticing what’s really going on underneath a problem you’ve been trying to solve on your own, that’s exactly the kind of thing we can explore together in a private coaching hour. Whether it's business or personal related, bring the question, the decision, the stuck place, or even the thing you can’t quite put into words yet. We’ll start there.
Sincerely, Sonja |
Harmony Not Hustle Email Series
Join the email community that supports people with the practices that help you thrive while navigating a full life & plate full of to-do’s without compromising your well-being or your success. I combine two decades of experience as a leader, small business owner, coach and self-mastery expert to teach others how to balance success models that fit YOUR energy, values and vision.
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